all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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