I want to walk on stilts...naked
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
