Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
