I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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