I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
