Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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