i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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