i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
