her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
