We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
