There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize