Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
