OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
