My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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