Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
