Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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