i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize