you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
