can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
