I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
