i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
