i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
