omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
