i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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