so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
