girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
