A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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