Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
