he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize