The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
