I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
