i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
