Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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