Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Success! We fucked roommates!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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