Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
