If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So many bounce houses so little time
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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