Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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