I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
