Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
