4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Do you still have your period?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
