I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
