and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
