Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
