nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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