Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
