if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
