You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
