I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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