I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I look excited, but its just a facade.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
