I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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