Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
