I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
