you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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