did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
