I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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