You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
