Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
