capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
