i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
