Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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