sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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