ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
