whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
