Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
