I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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