Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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