we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
