His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
