I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Girls should come with a carfax report
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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