I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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