At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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