Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize