yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
