I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Let's paint friendship bongs
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
