D3 body, D1 cock
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize