over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
