dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
