it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
