So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
