Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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