shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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