I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
