Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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