So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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