Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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