I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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