We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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