The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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