some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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