don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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