Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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