his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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