On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
